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The story of the billionaire who launched his cock and balls into an asteroid belt


Once upon a time there was a billionaire called Tetost O’Ronney. He was half-Irish, half-Lithuanian. One day he built a big massive rocketship. He called it: Heavy Phalcon. It was fucking immense. It was in the shape of a huge cock and balls as this is the most aerodynamic shape according to science.

His company had designed a new futuristic car called the Musky Metal. It was to be attached to the rocketship and launched into Earth’s orbit to advertise O’Ronney’s company, Musky Minerals Inc. The driver would be none other than Tetost’s own son, Tobble O’Ronney.


The launch day came and all the world’s media were there to watch. The big cock and balls rocketship blasted off in a smoky explosion and all the oil burned really fast and off into space it went. It was great. The Musky car was attached to the top and Tobble O’Ronney was strapped inside. Everyone cheered as it escaped the atmosphere and went into space. It was a publicity stunt, yes, but it was really cool… so fair play.


The big cock and balls rocketship broke up into wee pieces and the car was sent away by itself to orbit the planet with Tobble waving at the dashboard camera to all his fans back on terra firma.


Unfortunately, something went wrong. They overshot. Splurge! The car went too fast and escaped Earth’s orbit and started floating peacefully away (at 134950mph) through the void of space straight towards the asteroid belt… with poor Tobble O’Ronney still inside, helpless!


Tetost just knew he had to save his son.


Quickly, he had his engineers build him an amazing state of the art spacesuit and jetpack that he could use to blast off into space and chase down his son trapped in the car headed for the certain doom of the asteroid belt.


When the jetpack was ready - off he went! Up into the sky and into space. Blast!

Soon the billionaire father caught up with his hapless son, just as the car-cum-shuttle was reaching the field of asteroids.


Heroically, he climbed aboard the Musky Metal futuristic automobile and comforted his son, saying - It’s gonna be alright son. Daddy’s here.


Unfortunately again, it wasn’t going to be alright. The technology in the new designed jetpack built by the state of the art engineers of Musky Minerals Inc. (the world’s leading tech and design and software etc. company) broke. The billionaire father and son were stuck in the car which they had created and were heading for the asteroids. It was kind of like Icarus and Daedalus. But instead of flying too close to the sun, they were flying too close to the flying space boulders … closer … closer … closer …




They were dead.


Disintegrated into tiny wee bits.


Fortunately, however, ever the present-of-mind one, Tetost O’Ronney had had his sperm frozen and put in a wee vial surrounded by diamonds and had had this placed in the dashboard of the prototype Musky Metal futuristic car thing that his company had launched into space and which he and his son had been smashed into atoms in. This diamond encrusted vial of frozen sperm survived the asteroid impact!


Off it floated into space, perhaps one day to reach another galaxy where aliens would find it and resurrect Tetost and his son Tobble and maybe give them an intergalactic book deal where they could write about their story and get enough for a pension etc.


The end. 

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